Walking to Save Myself

Some days I laugh about the circumstances that brings me to this point in my life. How does a person at 42 (going on 19) who has barely walked the length of herself decide to trek (backpacking no less) for over 300 kms in Spain? Well your guess is as good as mine... I've written a blog post about the physical training I've been doing to ready myself - but I've not spoken about the challenges I've been working through while preparing for this pilgrimage.

I've been... not myself for a while, it's been a host of things and suffice to say it has both scared and empowered me. Most days I'm able to push through - enjoy things, laugh at things, feel good about things. Some days though - is a struggle. Misery actually. At one point I sat myself down in the house, had an out loud discussion so I could hear all that I've been feeling, hoping and fearing. Then I picked up a book I had in the library about the Camino de Santiago and knew... I just knew that I needed to do it or damn it, die trying.

So I started to walk. Down streets I didn't know, through neighbourhoods I wasn't familiar with, at nighttime, weekends, mornings, to a party, from the office - it just didn't matter. I opted to walk over using my car, over taking the bus, over getting a ride. Some days the physical toll was enormous, some days a simple joy. But my head, my mind, my heart, my spirit rejoiced in every step. I gained confidence, perspective, and peace.

I've written about my love of the walk (thank you The Coast), I tweet about it, I tell people on Facebook. I've driven you all crazy with details.

What I need to say, more so to myself than those on the interwebs, is that walking is saving me. Saving my body, my soul, the very essence of what makes Lori, well Lori. Of all the things I thought I needed to steady myself, walking would have been last on the list.

So thank you feet, heart, stubbornness, desire, and confidence. You are my stalwart companions... on the Camino and until the end.